Gym jy???

Vandag moet ek maar bietjie spoeg en plak, want ek moet die kiddies by die dokter kry.  Nee toggie, hulle word om die dood nie gesond nie…


Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear)
purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school  cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal  
trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.


Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found   it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god – with blond hair, dancing  eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo-Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I  made the full mile. Brad’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too. 


Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.


I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid,  
little #@*. If there was a part of my body I could move wi thout unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any 
triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds.



17 Responses to Gym jy???

  1. Wipneus! says:

    😆 Hierdie klink amper soos ek as ek moet exercise…

  2. Eendjie says:

    Nee wat, ek stap maar liewer of ry fiets! Hoop jou kiddies raak gou gesond.

  3. netjane says:

    haha! “sprinkled the floor with diamonds”. Klink soos ek!!

  4. ek bly ver weg van sulke slawedrywers in die gym! Ek doen wat ek wil en vir so lank as wat ek wil…oor die algemeen hou ek meer daarvan om sommer net fiets te ry en om te swem.
    Die laaste dude wat probeer het om my op ‘n treadmill te kry loop nou nog draaie om my…

  5. Tinkerbell says:

    Nee wat, eks te lui.. sies ek weet dis ‘n skande!!! Wat is nou so lekker aan sweet en blaas soos die drie varkies se wolf.. ga ga!! Ek sal veel eerder lekker gaan dans of so iets..!! Ai ek dink as ek nou op ‘n treadmill of fiets moet klim pass ek uit!! 😆 Hoop jou kiddies raak gou beter Tannie Pik!!

  6. Rustig says:

    Dit is waarom ek die gym ‘n mis gee. Hou nie van self pyniging nie.

  7. boendoe says:

    Hehe! Sterkte met daai siek kroos.

  8. Nee defnitief nie. Veral nie in die winter nie.

  9. Dellie says:

    Hehe! Lekker gelag, want ek sien myself in daai prentjie.

    Nee wat, ek is ook nie big on gym nie, as ek vind dat ek lus raak daarvoor, gaan lê ek maar so bietjie op die bed tot die gevoel weggaan. :mrgreen:

  10. Dellie says:

    Sorry, wou nog sê: hoop die kiddies is gou beter! 😉

  11. duskant says:

    Ek het weer begin Gym toe ek op besoek aan die VSA moes gaan rugby (!!!!!) speel.
    Nou geniet ek dit nogals… 😉

  12. demoerin says:

    As jy in dei ding is is dit nie so sleg nie. Moet net nie jou roetine breek nie, en ek dink eintlik winter is die beste want dan is die gym leër!

  13. Adrie says:

    Ek gym graag, as die bliksemse gym waar ek vir ‘n 3 jaar kontrak betaal het nie binne 3 maande bankrot gespeel het nie.

  14. meermin says:

    Nee ek het nie tyd vir gym nie, ek stap baie, werk self in my huis en baie kere werk ek sommer in die tuin ook!! Dit is my oefeninge, nee toggie spaar my dit!

  15. BB says:

    Dit bly vreeslik snaaks! maar, jip, ek gym… 😉

  16. maxie says:

    Nee wat, ek stap eerder. Hoop jou tweetjies word gou gesond. Is daar darem ‘n dokter in Amsterdam, of moet jy Ermelo toe ry?

  17. Adrie says:


    Huiswerk wag.

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